Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
