I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
