Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
