Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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