i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
