I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
