This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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