And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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