We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
