I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
