you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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