got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
