Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Randomize
