normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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