He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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