Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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