i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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