We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
