if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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