I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
