I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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