Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
