Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
