I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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