let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
