I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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