Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
