I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
