Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
