i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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