I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
