I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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