He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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