remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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