do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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