seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
