apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
