just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
