the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
