toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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