apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
