i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
