watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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