Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
