Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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