WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
