Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
