the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
