Swine flu. Run for my life!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Boobs speak an international language.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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