And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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